Invisible

I do not have Selective Mutism nor I am trying to be an emo and isolate myself from the others. I guess I know the reason why they were not engage in my conversation. Maybe it's too boring for them or maybe it's just not their topic. What I said doesn't seem to be interesting.
I tried talking to them but I don't think I deserve that kind of respond from most of you. For the first 60 seconds, I have to say thank you to all of you, I felt grateful for which I think I have succeeded, that was my first try. However, after that 60 seconds, you were not giving me your attention anymore. I felt like I'm talking to the air eventhough I know you're not listening. Once again I tried, many times and I failed. I won't give up trying but please, don't treat me as if I'm invisible. You have feelings, you have emotion, I have it too.
Do most of you know exactly how I feel when I get this kind of respond from you? I felt depressed, I wanted to tell you but would you listen to me? I doesn't want to leave this school crying because I'm left out in the class. Who the hell wants to cry?
Next week, there will be remedial classes as per normal, I will try again because I hate failing and I won't make any excuses for myself because I don't think I need one. What I really want is to spend my last few month in this school a happy one. I think all of you want it too right?

A Song I think that it's worth to be shared.

Translation: There will be a path if you walk,

There will be happiness if you seek.

All that I possessed are packed,

yet I am unable to bring along my remembrance.

Clouds of uncertainty shrouds the sky,

as are the turbulences in my heart.

Though I shall sail into a blurry future,

this shall be where I return in glory.
Sailing across the sea, I can take the hardship,

With the belief that the God will not abandon me.

Just as there are curses in life, there are blessings in dreams.

Since we have the affinity to be on the same boat, we shall face the storms together.

Bracing against the blazing sun, there is fog beneath my eyes.

I can be trapped by my cowardice and weakness no more.

However hard life is, there is changing factors in fate.

All I pray is a break from all my sufferings.
(By wisefool83)

Thank you C.J7

I get what you are trying to say and I'll try to socialise more. Sometimes I tried, nobody actually sees me. Sometimes I felt rude to interrupt them when they are in a conversation. I would try, try to start one. I'm not shy but I just have no idea what should I say, I doesn't want to get someone feel offended, I just afraid someone might get bored over what I said. I want everyone to enjoy in the conversation. No matter what, thank you C.J7. 

Split Personality

Sometimes I really wonder if I have got split personality. Do I have split personality? That was a common question that I always asked myself. I don't understand why I could behaved so differently between the day and night. Who am I really? This was the next question that I would asked myself.
I love going to school because I could study and of course attending my CCA. I'm happy when I'm in school but that's the problem, I changed over the passed few years. I used to be very loud and noisy, I love attracting attention and I don't really love to study but now I love to study so much that I don't really socialise with people around me, I became a person who don't talk much. Why? Am I becoming a nerd? I don't mind being one actually but what's the main reason for me to become speechless? Did I have selective Mutism?
However, I'm active during my training, I chose to talk to people I think that is worth sharing my thoughts and of course my inane jokes. Why? Is it because they are more trustworthy than my classmates? Or is it they understand me more than them?
At night, I became an emotional person, I could cry for anything that touches me, I love talking to the stars or maybe some people name it as satellites. Before dinner, I will speak like an air rifles as according to what my father named but after that I'm close to mute. Again I don't talk. Why? I really don't understand myself... Am I really normal? Is there something wrong with me if I tell you that I love talking to myself? Am I too lonely or do I love myself too much? I'm weird, in what way? How could I explain this? Can someone please help me? Once again, who am I?