今天感到好开心但又带点沮丧，我是怎么了，好乱但是平静中的乱，有点害怕。我该怎么办？
好寂寞，谁能听得见们在我心里的话，又有谁愿意听呢？

Who will ever know how sad am I? Who will ever care if I have got bed bugs sucking my blood everynight. Who will ever know the simplest thing I ever wanted?

Why am I so competitive? Why do I always hurt myself this way. Why do I always compare myself to the others? Why do you have to be so smart?! You played cards the whole night long, I studied, even If I'm tired, I'm not feeling well I still pull myself up to study, but why, why do you always scored better than me? Because you have the language? Or because you're just a jerk!! I don't hate you, I'm just jealous, I can choose not to but you're always making me hating myself even more. I'm not blaming you but myself but understanding you too well. I'm the suckiest person ever to anyone of you. What a lousy person am I?! HAHAHAHA have I suffered from depression? I doubt so.

I ruined my papers. I cried, silently while I was falling asleep. I studied but it turned to be that way... Why? I work hard, I want to achieve my goals. I still hold on to my hope and faith. I just want to be who I want to be. What had happened to me now? I'm stressing myself... I'm changing to someone I don't even recognise. Is there anyone that I can share my thoughts with? I'm not finding someone to rely on but I just need them to borrow me their ears.
But I'm not falling. Never, no matter how tired it is. I won't let go. I'll fly high. As high as the sky!

76 days to the first paper. I'm counting down. I will try my very to achieve the target I set for myself. What I have to do now is to focus and stay attentive every seconds. Because I really want to do it well. Though I won't know the result until they release next year. However the crucial moment is Now! I have to work extra hard in order to achieve my goals. I will make my effort and handwork counts. 'Procastination is the theft of time.' Anti- procrastination!
Off to do work now. Bye bye... Will be back as soon as possible. 

At this hour 3.05AM, all of you must be sleeping but I'm still awake, I can't sleep, I have no guts to sleep. That may sound funny to you, but i really couldn't stop thinking and praying.
When someone you love is having operation, when you felt so worried and helpless, would you dare to sleep? I miss him, I really hope that he would be fine. I'm panic, however I looked motionless. They vent anger on me, I take it because I understand, we felt the same way, worried. I cried, I can't show them, I have to hide it without adding burden and pressure on them. I'm scare. What can else I do?
At this crucial moment, I just hope that he would be fine. Back to his normal self.

See no Evil,
Touch no Evil,
Hear no Evil,
I'm Kind. 

It's My Turn Now.

It's my turn to change now.
Observe me, You won't be able to find me except for them.
The hidden me will only reveal to them.
Not being an emo here but just trying to study others while others observe me.

Just stating the fact.

I can't love.
The only way I can do, is to protect him.

Thank you, Stars.

Thank you all of you. 

WSC, Happy Birthday!(:

The first guy that I waited for 2 years.
The first boy-friend that made me feel warmth and secured.
The guy that have a sense of humour.
The guy that behaved like a kid.
The guy that always says lame things.
The guy that will always be there to lend me his pair of ear.
The guy that I'll never going to forget,
Wee Sin Cheng! Happy Birthday! My Best Friend!XD

I love you my neighbour in the sea.

Jun 8, 2011 1:19pm

Me:Who am I to you? Do you treasure me? Did I do something wrong to offend anyone?

Me: Haha

Me: Say the truth dun huh

Me: lol

Jun 8, 2011 1:20pm

Me: Hahahahahahaha

Her: You are one of my best friend and best training partner! Of course treasure! If you wanna know what you did wrong, that is to ever doubt yourself.

Her sister: Very close friend. Yes. No.

The Man I waited for 2 years.

Jun 7, 2011 10:29pm

Me: Who am I to you? Do you treasure me? Did I do something wrong to offend anyone? You can choose not to reply.

Him:You are my best girl friend! Of course I treasure you! You are my friend!

Me: Thank you very much. You're the Best! I won't ever leave you alone or forget you. Thank you so much.

The Man I used to love...

Jun 7,2011 10:29pm

Me: Who am I to you? Do you treasure me? Did I do something wrong to offend anyone?

Jun 7,2011 10:31pm

Him: No y do you keep asking insecure questions?

Me: Thanks for your answer. Very direct.

Jun 8,2011 2:24am

Him: Then beat ard the bush?

Jun 8, 2011 6:50am

Me: No. Just can't believe that the man that I used to love don't treasure me.

You Changed.

You have changed. You're not the one that I used to know few years back, I thought both of us would be able to be Best Friend till we leave this world but not anymore. I wouldn't want to say this but we seems to be living in a different world now. If only you could understand... my thought... my feeling...Once again, I lost a best friend.

I seek for a different ending.

"You may a bad beginning but that can't stop you from becoming who you want to be." Kungfu panda 2
Yes. I may have a bad beginning but that won't stop me from becoming who I want to be. No one can stop me from achieving my goal and fulfilling my dream. So what if they strongly disagree with my ambition or what ever I want to do. As long as I know that, what I'm doing isn't a bad thing and I'm not causing any harm to anyone, so what's the point of stopping me.
You may call me a freak because once I confirm with my decisions, I will put in my whole heart, even up till I collapse, I will still persist on. I'm that obdurate. Many people might ask me why am I torturing or stressing myself in this way, to me I don't think that, that was a torture, it's call persevere. You just don't understand, because I had a bad beginning and I doesn't want to have a bad ending too. Who on earth doesn't want to have a happy ending?
You'll ask," so if you collapse after fulfilling your dream, will it still be a happy ending?" My answer is yes because I had already accomplished my task. I had already achieved my goal. Then you'll ask again, " what if you collapse before you achieve your goal? Will it still be a happy ending? My answer will still be the same, yes because at least I tried, at least I persevered before. And that's me, I seek for a different ending... That's how I chose the URL of my blog....

Invisible

I do not have Selective Mutism nor I am trying to be an emo and isolate myself from the others. I guess I know the reason why they were not engage in my conversation. Maybe it's too boring for them or maybe it's just not their topic. What I said doesn't seem to be interesting.
I tried talking to them but I don't think I deserve that kind of respond from most of you. For the first 60 seconds, I have to say thank you to all of you, I felt grateful for which I think I have succeeded, that was my first try. However, after that 60 seconds, you were not giving me your attention anymore. I felt like I'm talking to the air eventhough I know you're not listening. Once again I tried, many times and I failed. I won't give up trying but please, don't treat me as if I'm invisible. You have feelings, you have emotion, I have it too.
Do most of you know exactly how I feel when I get this kind of respond from you? I felt depressed, I wanted to tell you but would you listen to me? I doesn't want to leave this school crying because I'm left out in the class. Who the hell wants to cry?
Next week, there will be remedial classes as per normal, I will try again because I hate failing and I won't make any excuses for myself because I don't think I need one. What I really want is to spend my last few month in this school a happy one. I think all of you want it too right?

A Song I think that it's worth to be shared.

Translation: There will be a path if you walk,

There will be happiness if you seek.

All that I possessed are packed,

yet I am unable to bring along my remembrance.

Clouds of uncertainty shrouds the sky,

as are the turbulences in my heart.

Though I shall sail into a blurry future,

this shall be where I return in glory.
Sailing across the sea, I can take the hardship,

With the belief that the God will not abandon me.

Just as there are curses in life, there are blessings in dreams.

Since we have the affinity to be on the same boat, we shall face the storms together.

Bracing against the blazing sun, there is fog beneath my eyes.

I can be trapped by my cowardice and weakness no more.

However hard life is, there is changing factors in fate.

All I pray is a break from all my sufferings.
(By wisefool83)

Thank you C.J7

I get what you are trying to say and I'll try to socialise more. Sometimes I tried, nobody actually sees me. Sometimes I felt rude to interrupt them when they are in a conversation. I would try, try to start one. I'm not shy but I just have no idea what should I say, I doesn't want to get someone feel offended, I just afraid someone might get bored over what I said. I want everyone to enjoy in the conversation. No matter what, thank you C.J7. 

Split Personality

Sometimes I really wonder if I have got split personality. Do I have split personality? That was a common question that I always asked myself. I don't understand why I could behaved so differently between the day and night. Who am I really? This was the next question that I would asked myself.
I love going to school because I could study and of course attending my CCA. I'm happy when I'm in school but that's the problem, I changed over the passed few years. I used to be very loud and noisy, I love attracting attention and I don't really love to study but now I love to study so much that I don't really socialise with people around me, I became a person who don't talk much. Why? Am I becoming a nerd? I don't mind being one actually but what's the main reason for me to become speechless? Did I have selective Mutism?
However, I'm active during my training, I chose to talk to people I think that is worth sharing my thoughts and of course my inane jokes. Why? Is it because they are more trustworthy than my classmates? Or is it they understand me more than them?
At night, I became an emotional person, I could cry for anything that touches me, I love talking to the stars or maybe some people name it as satellites. Before dinner, I will speak like an air rifles as according to what my father named but after that I'm close to mute. Again I don't talk. Why? I really don't understand myself... Am I really normal? Is there something wrong with me if I tell you that I love talking to myself? Am I too lonely or do I love myself too much? I'm weird, in what way? How could I explain this? Can someone please help me? Once again, who am I?